


(all i know) all i wanna do is hold her, she's the life that breathes in me

by carentans



Category: Band of Brothers
Genre: "We're Just Good Friends", Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Ann is a Great Little Sister, Basically... They're Dumb in Love, Best Friends Realize They Were Married All Along, F/F, Much Needed WLW Content, Unnecessary Angst TBH, that's the plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-31
Updated: 2019-03-31
Packaged: 2019-12-29 23:17:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18303767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carentans/pseuds/carentans
Summary: Nix is overdramatic, and Ann has to point out the painfully obvious.





	(all i know) all i wanna do is hold her, she's the life that breathes in me

**Author's Note:**

> no i'm NOT dead! i have just been very busy w school, and i really wanted my next work to be nix/dick, so it took a while :) 
> 
> there wasn't nearly enough wlw content on here so i decided to fix that  
> i watch and think, "huh. lesbians." and u cannot change my mind
> 
> so pls take this too-long story about dumb girls in love with each other. 
> 
> s/o to rachel (@gvthrie) on tumblr for the ask: "Can you write something with Winnix and family and surprises - maybe with Blanche or Ann getting them to figure their shit out?"

There must have been something in the Winters’ genetic code that made them such good finders.

Nix’s questions always went unanswered when Ruth somehow managed to appear outside her room in the library with food or show up during class break with a spare jacket. Once during freshman year, Ruth found her walking through campus to give her the essay she hadn’t realized she left behind, and the following year, she showed up at the bar, moments before Nix made a series of terrible decisions and took her home without damage.

When the screen door creaked open and the old wood porch shifted beneath careless footsteps, Nix didn’t look back. Instead, she tugged her sweatshirt over her hands and rested her head against the railing of the steps.

Her location wasn’t much of a mystery, though.

Ruth had suggested going home for spring break, and Nix had quickly accepted the silent invitation. She was never more than a few feet from a Winters at any given time, and the old farmhouse wasn’t very large, but she hated to be the only one awake inside, so she settled for a spot on the back porch.

“You’ll catch a cold,” Ann said, unceremoniously dropping a quilt into her lap. “Or get snatched up by a coyote.”

“I’d sure hate for that to happen,” Nix replied. Ann continued in her movements, folding her long legs to sit beside her on the porch step.

“S’what Ruth used to tell me, anyways. But I think she just said that so I went inside and she didn’t have to keep babysitting me.”

Nix smiled, able to picture Ann’s eternally scraped knees and undying devotion and Ruth’s clever and persuasive leadership. In truth, Ruth probably made up for all those early evenings with early mornings, and it was no wonder that Ann never had a negative thing to say about her.

Ann threw out the quilt, spreading it over both of their laps. “Probably told me all sorts of nonsense, and I probably still believe all of it.”

“She tried to convince me there was a lights-out curfew in our dorm, but I think that was just so she could go to sleep at a reasonable time.” Nix added, receiving a laugh from Ann.

The two of them settled into their spots on the porch, Nix staring down at a small, unmelted pile of snow gathered a few steps below.

“What are you still doing awake? I always thought it was a family thing, being unable to stay up past 10.”

“It’s the weekend,” Ann commented, like that disproved the years of habitually stable sleeping patterns Ruth had always displayed. “I’m usually the only one up, so I hoped you didn’t mind some company.”

Nix shrugged, but she couldn’t say she was upset to see Ann. Usually, her nights were quiet and lonesome, either filled with schoolwork or thinking, but she wasn’t doing much of either when Ann showed up. “I guess you’re okay,” she teased.

“Yeah, I get it,” Ann said, playfully affronted and holding her hands up in surrender. “I’m probably your least favorite Winters. The last person you want to see right now.”

“I wouldn’t say _least_ -”

“Don’t you dare finish that,” Ann warned, and Nix laughed.

There had never been a moment they hadn’t gotten along. Nearly four years previous, Ann had been outspoken and full of energy, desperate to include Nix upon realizing Ruth’s approval of her new roommate. She squeezed herself into Nix’s life as a little sister because wherever Ruth went, she was sure to follow.

“And I opened my _home_ for you.”

“I think that was Ruth,” Nix corrected.

Ann huffed a little breath. “Ma was ready to let you move in the moment she saw you.”

“Guess that doesn’t matter so much anymore,” she said and kicked at the pile of snow.

“Why? You planning on making her hate you?”

Nix shrugged slowly. “Not long now until we get our degrees. Then Ruth’s off to graduate school, and I’m... Well, I don’t know. Probably not doing much of anything.”

She’d been trying not to count the days left until they undoubtedly split paths forever, but as their last spring break together wound to a close, time was suddenly moving at an uncomfortably fast pace.

“You’re kidding,” Ann replied blandly, and Nix didn’t have to look to know the disappointed expression on her face.

She’d only seriously seen it a handful of times from Ruth, and while each of those times had been deserving, Nix couldn’t quite understand Ann’s reason. “What?”

“What do you mean, ‘ _what_!’” She said louder, snapping her fingers. “Did the cold freeze your brain or something? I thought you were supposed to be some big-shot genius with an Ivy League degree.”

“I never said that,” Nix debated, sparing a glance Ann’s way.

Ann crossed her arms, looking a few seconds away from losing her cool completely. “I know. _Ruth_ did.” She narrowed her eyes when Nix did little to react (since she’d grown used to Ruth’s generous compliments). “Are you seriously expecting your relationship to end the moment you graduate?”

  
Nix stayed quiet, the hurt washing over her, fresh once again.

“Oh my _god!_ ” Ann bursted finally, voice loud enough to surprise the chickens in their coop across the yard. “You _are_ an idiot. You and Ruth both.”

“Ruth?” Nix questioned, on edge. She could accept her own idiocy, having 20-something years of stupidity behind her, but she might have to fight Ann if she kept this up about Ruth.

Ann’s anger looked slightly more placated. “Nix, just because you graduate doesn’t mean you fall out of love -”  

“ _What?_ ” Came her startled reply.

“You two have the best relationship I’ve ever seen. I don’t know why you would be worried about anything, ever, especially since you’ve barely ever fought,” Ann said calmly, like this was all common sense. “I do have to say I’m a little disappointed there hasn’t been any surprise engagement.”

Nix stared at her with wide eyes, and the more she continued to talk, the more surprised she became.

It took everything in her to remain seated, to not immediately run back inside and find her way up to Ruth’s room in the dark, the Winters’ home more than familiar to her now, to sit beside her on the bed and shake her shoulder to wake her up with a rushed and confused _Can you believe_ -

“Oh,” Nix said quietly, instead.

“Did I just ruin the surprise? Always thought Ruth would be the one to do it, if I’m being honest, but I’m happy regardless,” Ann continued. “Well come on, show me it, then.”

“Show you what?”

“This again? Nix, the ring!”

She shook her head. “There’s no ring,” she managed, surprised her voice didn’t shake. “We - I mean -” She began, holding her hands up weakly.

“Wait.” Ann considered her empty hands, returning her unwavering gaze before quickly getting to her feet. “You’re lying. Nix, you’re _lying_ to me! I can’t believe you’ve been lying to all of us!”

“ _Lying_ ? No. I _haven’t_ -”

“‘Haven’t been in love with my sister since the moment you met?’” Ann filled in sourly, only looking more disapproving as Nix’s cheeks filled with color. “So, what? You’ve just been... leading her on?”

“ _Leading her on_? I would never -” Nix stammered, feeling lightheaded to the thought of toying with Ruth’s emotions in such a way.

Ann’s stare was relentless, angry in an indescribable sort of way that could only be achieved by someone personally hurt by Ruth’s pain. It was something Nix understood, and it made her heart hurt.

Nix shook her head. “Ann, we aren’t _together_ ,” she said, pretending like she didn’t stumble on that last word. “We’re friends. She means everything to me, but we’re not -” After abruptly cutting herself off, she took a shaky breath.

“Holy _shit_.” Ann whispered, sinking back onto the porch step. “You didn’t even know.”

Nix looked away, too caught up in analyzing years of their relationship.

Sure, they’d become each other’s best friend almost instantly, moving into an apartment sophomore year and coexisting in each other’s life in a way that they hadn’t even known they’d needed. They’d been mistaken a time or two as lovers, but it had always been so easy to shake off, even if they were holding hands or practically in the other’s lap. It was just what _girl_ friends did.

Or maybe, not quite, but no one had ever thought to call them out on it. (But that was probably because of their overly apparent, but painfully oblivious, love for each other.)

“We kind of stopped waiting around for you two to tell us. Figured sometime around Christmas of your freshman year was when your relationship really started. Ruth was so damn mopey, acting like she’d lost the only thing that mattered to her. We were all relieved when you finally showed up.”

She truthfully didn’t know what to say.

Her friendship with Ruth was probably the only reason she managed to get through college without entirely losing her mind. She got a best friend and a family out of it, as the Winters had always been more than forthcoming in their caring nature. Her loyalty to Ruth came first, likely due to the way she was _nice_ to her, and her devotion and love followed swiftly.

Nix had gone on a handful of first dates over the past few years, as had Ruth, but nothing ever seemed too interesting. She’d been open about her relationships with both men and women, but Ruth was much more guarded about her interest in women (and Nix only seemed to know because there wasn’t a secret between them).

Except for now, Nix supposed.  

“Jesus,” Nix said. She didn’t need to remind Ann of what an idiot she was to not even recognize love even when it was right there in her lap.

Ann patted her hand comfortingly. There wasn’t much else she could do to soothe Nix’s very abrupt insight into her own relationship of four years.

“Has she said something?”

“Suppose the first person she would talk to about this “secret” would be you, to be honest. But if _you_ didn’t know, I think there’s a good chance she doesn’t either.”

“Oh, so we _both_ didn’t know we were dating?”

Ann looked more than a little annoyed. “Guess it makes more sense now why you two hadn’t made plans for after school.” She pointed out. “And if you want to be technical, you act more like a married couple than just dating.”       

Rarely did Nix and Ruth spend time apart, but when they did, they were quick to keep the other updated. They were familiar enough to finish each other’s thoughts, and on more than one occasion had they gone places just to be near each other.

They cared for each other when sick, kept guard at the bedside and helped finish up any school work. Ruth knew when to intervene when she was at her moodiest, and though uncommon, when Ruth was the same, she only ever talked to Nix.

Nix buried her face in her hands, overwhelmed. “I don’t know what to do.”

“Talking to Ruth is probably a good start.”

“But what if she doesn’t,” Nix began, reluctant to continue, but did so in a quieter voice, “feel the same.”

“Now _this_ is something we’re not going to do. No more being dumb. She does. Just talk to her tomorrow, or else _I’ll_ have to, and I have a feeling I won’t have nearly as much patience with her.”

When she stood again, Ann took the quilt, wrapping it around her shoulders.

“I’m going to bed. You can thank me tomorrow. Good night, Nix.”

Nix waited until Ann retreated to her room before letting out a frustrated noise. This sort of revelation wasn’t something she ever expected to receive, and certainly not from her best friend’s little sister on one of the last days of her vacation in the middle of the night.

The last thing she felt she could do was sleep, and knowing her restlessness would only wake Ruth, Nix stayed where she was. The cold kept her focused on them, on the relationship they had built and then blindly stumbled into.

Minutes, or maybe hours, later, the screen door squeaked again, accompanied by familiar quiet footsteps.

The silence was hardly uncomfortable between the two of them. They’d spent hundreds of hours with each other, simply laying around in wait for the next relevant conversation, but it was never rushed.

“You’ll get sick sitting out here like this,” Ruth said finally, arms crossed to keep herself warm.

“That’s what Ann said,” Nix replied, sparing a glance up at her.  

“I know.”

Nix couldn’t bring herself to look away. “Hear anything else?”

Ruth had a way of looking at her that shook her to her core. It was always rather serious, confident in a way that meant she knew more than she was ever willing to share.

(Maybe, Nix realized, that’s just what love looked like, and she’d been blinded to it all.)

Except now, Ruth looked nervous, like she wasn’t quite as sure of herself. She was looking to Nix for answers, searching for the truth in the quiet openness between them.

Nix breathed out slowly, wrapping her arms around herself in a similar way.

“Yeah,” Ruth nodded, and she took a moment’s pause to collect herself. “Yeah,” she added on, quieter.

“Ruth, I -”

“Lou -” She said, their words bumping into each other at the same time, and they both fell quiet once again.

“I think I’m in love with you,” Nix interrupted, her thoughts rushing over one another to get everything out before she lost her nerve. “I think I have been for a long time now. I didn’t realize it until just now, but you should know.”

Ruth held out a hand unthinkingly, and Nix accepted without hesitation, allowing herself to be pulled to her feet. “I am so unbelievably in love with you, Lou,” Ruth replied simply.

Nix pushed forward, moving to wrap her arms around Ruth’s middle, settling against her in a way that felt right, a place where they both belonged.

Ruth held her, willowy arms locked in a comforting embrace. “Can I kiss you?” She questioned quietly. “I think I’ve always wanted to, but never quite found the right way to say it.”

Nix quirked a brow, a small smile on her face. “I think that’s a good way to start,” she returned, tilting her chin up.

Their first kiss was marked quietly, tangled in each other’s arms, without any sort of overdramatic fireworks.

Instead, it was familiar, like coming home after a long day to curl up together on the couch beneath the same blanket.

Following this, Ruth pressed a kiss to her cheek, a much more tender display of her feelings. “Maybe we could move this inside?” She questioned, shivering after a particularly cold gust of wind passed them by.

“Maybe you shouldn’t have come outside in just your pajamas,” Nix teased.

Ruth narrowed her eyes. “Maybe you should get some better sleeping habits, and then I don’t have to be so worried about you every time you’re not right there with me,” she replied, but her exhaustion cut through her dry, leaving her affection on full display.

“Anything for you,” Nix relented, but she could feel that her cheeks were hot again. “Just one more before we go?” She asked, rolling up to her tiptoes, waiting.  

Ruth gave her an exasperated look and didn’t move closer. “You know we can do this inside. In a bed. Laying down.”

“I know,” Nix said and leaned in to leave her own kiss on Ruth’s cheek. Satisfied, she took a step away and grabbed Ruth’s hand. “I just want it all.”

“Looks like you’re going without tonight.” Ruth nodded but continued more optimistically. “Tomorrow and the next day... and on...?”

Letting out a quiet laugh, Nix allowed herself to be guided back into the house. “I can live with that,” she promised in a whisper. 

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. Not representational of the real men. Solely based off the portrayals from the HBO series.
> 
> 2\. Kinda edited. Sometimes unrealistic.
> 
> 3\. Title credit to _Biggest Part of Me_ by Ambrosia.
> 
> 4\. I did no research at all because a. I didn't feel like it and b. because I didn't want to. Dick's name is Ruth because I want it to be, and they all call Nixon "Nix", except for Ruth who calls her Lou. Dick is from somewhere Pennsylvania, I guess, and I know that sometimes it snows around spring break time. I say that the Winters live on a farm because I want them to, and Nix & Ruth both go to Yale, but that isn't really relevant. In this story, Ann is about 4 years younger than them, but that doesn't really matter either.
> 
> 5\. Check me out on tumblr @capnixons, just because. :)


End file.
